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Everyone has to say goodbye sometime in their lives, sometimes the goodbyes are temporary, and sometimes they are permanent. For children it can be very difficult to tell the difference between a temporary and a permanent goodbye. It is often because of this that children suffer from separation anxiety. This is especially true in young children who have not yet learned how to tell the difference. It is also common among young children who have not had much experience with social interactions outside of their own family. Although it is nice to know that your child is attached to you and loves you, the pain that comes with watching your child cry and scream as you leave is very unwelcome. There are ways to help your child learn the difference between the kinds of goodbyes, and to get them to willingly let you leave.
Children cry when someone leaves because they may not realize that person is actually coming back. Perhaps instead of saying goodbye, you should explain what it is you need to go do, and say, "I'll be back in a little while," or "see you soon". The more a parent leaves a child, the more the child will realize that mom or dad will be back.
Give your child advance notice, but don't continue to talk about it. Don't wait until the babysitter is standing at the door to say, "I have to run out for a while, Susan is going to watch you." Let him or her know ahead of time you will be leaving that day and that the babysitter will be there. Don't keep reminding your child either. This may only make him or her more nervous, and it may make you appear nervous, too. Children easily pick up on your feelings, and if mom or dad is nervous, your child will pick that up and become even more anxious about your departure.
Make your goodbye short and not drawn out. It doesn't have to be a quick kiss on the forehead and then a mad dash to the car, but don't dwaddle around with your son or daughter stalling your leave. Give your child a kiss and a hug and let them know when you will be back. Remember that usually minutes after you leave, the tantrums stop. The "show" is for you, once you are gone, the "performance" will end.
If you know you are going to be gone for a while, you may want to start a project with your child, and tell him or her, he or she may work on it while you are gone and that you will help finish it up when you get home. This helps to emphasize that you will be back.
To help your child feel comfortable while you are away, always make sure you have something for them to do. Have movies, games, crayons, paper, coloring books, and other items on hand to keep them busy while you are away. It is also important to leave your child with someone he or she knows. This makes them feel much safer. Don't use this as a time to surprise a child with a new sitter. When hiring a new sitter, always make sure the child meets them well beforehand, more than once if at all possible, when you are there with them. This lets the child know that this new person really is OK. For younger school age children you may want to arrange a meeting with the teacher before school begins so you may introduce your child to his or her new teacher.
Separation anxiety doesn't have to be a problem for you or your child. Don't rush your child too much, but don't let him or her control you either. Be loving and firm, and eventually your and his or hers separation anxiety will disappear.
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