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Each child in a family unit has a unique personality. One factor that can influence differences in personality is birth order. Each child has a particular place in the family structure based on when they arrived.
First is the oldest child, who spent some time (perhaps years) being an only child. This child will always be “first” in the parents’ lives. In the most loving of families, the first-born may resent losing the parents' undivided attention and may envy the newcomer siblings. The oldest child will be the first to achieve all milestones and will be the benchmark that the other children may be measured against. The oldest child is the first to experience the firsts of growing up and may be the target of envy (or ridicule) of younger siblings when they start school or have a first date. The oldest child is the first to buck parental authority and negotiate parental expectations. Growing up in a healthy family environment, the oldest child will tend to exhibit leadership qualities and may grow up to be a trendsetter. However, if the child grows up in a dysfunctional household, he or she may be burdened with too much adult responsibility too fast and lose their childhood. First borns need responsibility in small doses appropriate to their age to flourish.
Although the firstborn is first to experience growing pains, the middle child experience is also unique. The struggle of the middle child is comically exemplified in the old Brady Bunch episode when Jan (the middle child) laments “It’s always Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!” Many middle children can relate to that scene, as the oldest (and then the youngest) tends to take most of the attention. Middle children can feel “lost in the shuffle”, even growing up in an ideal TV family like the Brady’s. In a dysfunctional home, the ignorance may be so prevalent that the middle child is neglected or even abused as the family scapegoat. Middle children need to feel that they have a special place in the family unit.
Finally, the last-born does not have the least of challenges. Being “the baby” of the family can seem like fun, but being the last to do everything can be frustrating, as they often want to tag along with older siblings and can feel shut out. This can lead to rebellious behavior like tantrums and tattling to get back at the older children. On the positive side, in a loving family, the last child can feel very protected and accepted and may tend to like being around people, as he or she has had a good experience being the center of attention in a group. In a dysfunctional home, however, the last-born may feel responsible to “play mascot” and “be cute” to entertain everyone to cover up the pain going on in the home. The youngest child needs to feel that they can grow up and are loved for what lies beneath their "cuteness".
Whatever the birth order, an important factor to help all of these personality types flourish is to be praised and valued for the individuals that they are, and their special place respected in the family unit.
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